Emmancipation
by DorkDamsel
Summary: Join Emma as she tries to develop her sexuality and resolve her intimacy issues... in the funniest ways imaginable. May or may not turn into Wemma. For the beginning it's all about our favorite guidance counselor.
1. The pink elephant

**Emmancipation**

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing except the air I breathe. And that technically belongs to the Universe.

**AN**: The fic starts during the events in Hello and will parallel what happens in the show from here on, with several alternations where I think it's necessary for the sake of jocularity/romanticism. Although it's in third person, it's a story told mainly from Emma's perspective, the only one that matters. The main purpose of this fic is to figure out what goes in Emma's head in her quest to develop her own sexuality and resolve her intimacy issues. I'm trying to make it funny. I'll probably screw it up.

**Worth mentioning:** English is not my first language. .

**Characters**: Will/Emma _mostly,_ and later on I'll introduce a psycho-therapist.

**Chapter 1 – The ****pink elephant**

"Well… ever." Emma replied to Will's question after gathering all her courage.

There it was. The cat was out of the bag. The pink elephant in the room had been exposed, in all his naked glory. Emma was a virgin, and implicitly well on her way to become a spinster.

Will's eyes announced his understandable confusion so Emma felt the need to explain:

"I just haven't found the right person. Somebody who won't reject me because of my… problems"

Emma knew how pathetic that sounded but she hoped it was not cringe worthy pathetic. And true to his nice guy persona, Will just took a second to absorb the information, and then with a resolved tone said:

"It's ok. We'll pop in a movie"

Denial. Not just a natural rapid watercourse in the East African Rift, Emma thought to herself. And she continued to scold herself while Will Smith and that irritating African American person of a diminished height were bantering on the screen in front of them. Will never said another word about the matter, or made any kind of overt gesture, but he didn't have to. Emma knew that's not the way he was planning to spend the evening. Watching a buddy cop flick with a virgin. Probably took him back to his teens.

She regretted not addressing the issue earlier, but when? This was their first actual date. And it wasn't like she could just offer up: "Hey, guess what. I'm a candidate for immaculate conception!" after he surprised her in the hall the other day and kissed her for the first time.

No, this had to be done, as awkward and as embarrassed as she felt, it's good that Will knew what he was getting himself into.

"And besides, I have plenty to offer outside of carnal relations. Better taste in movies for instance", she thought just as Will Smith was nodding his head in sync with a stripper's booted heel that was dangling in his face.

Later that night, Will led Emma to the doorway to kiss her goodbye. The atmosphere was considerably more awkward then when she had arrived a couple of hours before.

"Thank you for being so… understanding." She said breaking the kiss.

"It's ok. If and when we reach that point, I'm sure it will be worth the wait. You are worth the wait."

Her face lit up upon hearing those words. She wanted to tell him that maybe he was the one she had been waiting for all along but decided against it since it would probably sound sappy. She already covered pathetic that night. Why add sappy to the mix? Instead she smiled brightly and kissed him quickly on the lips before disappearing in the hallway.

Later that night

Emma stepped out of the shower and quickly wrapped a towel around her. She stepped in front of the mirror and wiped the steam off of it. Will's words echoed in her ginger head.

"If and when…"

"You are worth the wait"

The "if" was problematic. Didn't he want to have sex with her? But she chose to interpret it as graciousness on Will's part. She didn't have to give up her virginity to him if she didn't want to.

The really problematic part was the "worth the wait" part.

"Let's see what we can work with" she told herself.

She moved over to her bedroom where there was a bigger mirror. Unwrapped the towel, placed it gently on a chair, and covered her eyes with her hands, taking small steps to position herself in front of the mirror. She couldn't just flaunt her nudity around. Not even in front of herself. She had to get adjusted to it. Ergo, hands on eyes

She parted her fingers slightly and peered through her right hand at her reflection. The left eye quickly followed the right in the gawking at herself process. She cocked her head, trying to put a number on her level of attractiveness. That's what kids today did right? Made comments like: "She's a 7", "She's a 10".

If Emma were honest with herself, she wouldn't have given the skinny lady in the mirror any more than a 4. A 5 on a good day. Maaaaybe, 5 and a half if it was right after exfoliation.

Her face was childlike and plain. There was nothing impressive about her breasts other than the fact that they were breast-like in shape. She didn't have a tummy, but she didn't have curves either. She turned around and noted staring at her derriere:

"There is no junk in that trunk. In fact, I can barely make out a trunk."

She contemplated maybe doing some sexy poses but then covered her face again as the sheer silliness of the thought overwhelmed her. She quickly dressed in a nightgown and sat quietly on the bed, feeling that the mirror and the pink elephant behind it were mocking her. Still, she wasn't going to let her own body issues blind her from the fact that Will liked her. He really really liked her. And he wouldn't really really like a 5 woulf he? Why would a guy like Will, who's obviously an 11, get involved with a 5? Makes no sense, sexual or mathematical.

This led to her thinking back to some of the situations in which she felt like Will was clearly attracted to her. She thought back to his brief stint as a janitor when he placed some chalk on her nose and then wiped it gently off.

She approached the mirror again and stared at her nose. Her nose was… adequate. No, scratch adequate. Her nose was ade-cute. It had a dent that just added to its charm.. It was in perfect proportion to her face. No zits, no marks, no skin flakes. Not a pore out of order.

"Yes, she decided triumphantly, my nose is cute. And quite attractive I must say."

Emma wasn't aware of the fact that ne'er had a stripper or porn actress or some other type of sex worker been hired for the shape and size of her nose. But she couldn't have been bothered regardless. She found something to like about her body, as inconsequential as a nose… it was still something.

She went to bed with a smile on her face.

Morning

And woke up startled. She brought her hands to her nose and panted loudly. All night she had horrible nightmares. Of an entire ocean of mucus that was threatening to drown her. And the source of this ocean was a giant waterfall, that flowed from two gigantic nostrils. To her utter dismay, Emma realized that she could never really like her nose. Or anybody else's nose for that matter. Since it was the source of mucus, one of the most disgusting substances known to man.

"Aw nuts…"she cursed and mock-smothered herself with a pillow.


	2. Creepy stalker elephant

**Chapter 2 – ****The pink elephant in the medicine cabinet**

Emma kicked over the welcome mat in front of Will's door and picked up with her gloved hand the key. She opened the door and stepped into Will's apartment. She kicked the door shut with her leg behind her and walked into the kitchen to put the bag of groceries on the table. She then stepped into the living room and sniffed the air for Will's scent. Yes, she had been in his apartment before, but now she was in his apartment alone.

Emma was a level headed grown ass woman. But that didn't stop Evil Creepy Stalker Emma from bouncing around in her brain throwing ideas at her of what she could do in Will's place in his absence.

Look for his diary.

Read his diary.

Sniff his clothes.

Steal his boxers.

Smell his cologne.

Make out with his pillows.

Look for baby pictures.

Steal some baby pictures.

Look at his computer.

Look for porn.

Delete his porn.

Replace porn with Emma's baby pictures.

Water his plants.

Do his laundry.

Check out his hair products.

Wait… She could check out his hair products. The rest of the stuff she fleetingly thought about was no doubt crazy. And creepy. And some of it illegal. But she would be lying if she said she didn't want to know exactly what he uses on his hair, so bemoaned by Sue Sylvester. It was just curiosity. Not creepy stalker behavior. Right? Right!

She went to the bathroom and opened up the medicine cabinet behind the mirror. Will did not use a lot of cosmetic products which was good for Emma. She was never into metrosexuals. Surprisingly, she didn't actually see any hair gel. But there was a bottle of Lubriderm Body Lotion in a corner*. Hm? Lotion? For your hair? Why Will, you cunning devil!

Will wasn't kidding when he said that Terri cleared out the night before. There wasn't a single hint a woman was living in that apartment by the looks of the bathroom. The toilet sit was up. Obviously.

It didn't matter if the divorce papers hadn't been signed yet. Terri was truly out of Will's life. Emma sighed and went back to the kitchen, before the overwhelming impulse to clean that bathroom would take over. Half an hour later, Terri walked into the apartment.

*AN: That's what Matt Morrison actually uses for his hair.


	3. Messy elephant

**Chapter 3 – Messy elephant**

"How is you compromising yourself for my crazy, any different from your relationship with Terri?" Emma asked in earnest.

Will remained silent as realization dawned on him but he secretly thought that just because Emma was giving him a choice, she was more of a woman than Terri could ever be. He kept it to himself however, because he could see that Emma was right. They both needed to take some time apart from each other.

"When you figure out what your needs are, Emma said with restrain while fixing his tie, maybe I'll be ready to get a little messy"

Will sighed but continued to look into her eyes, until she asked him to leave so she could close the door and have a good cry. When Will left her office, she stared into nothingness for a couple of seconds and a sob rocked her body. It dawned on her that her office walls were actually made of glass, so crying her heart out was probably out of the question.

"What now?" She thought. She went from madly in love to heartbroken in a matter of hours. But she still didn't break her own record. Going from blushing bride to left at the altar in a matter of minutes. However, Emma thought while scribbling down the lyrics to All by myself on a piece of paper, complete with a doodle of a Lubriderm bottle, this was not an end. It wasn't even a beginning. It was the end of the beginning for her and Will.

Sure, there was always the possibility of Will, after analyzing his needs, figuring out that what he most definitely DOESN'T need is the big ol bucket of Crazy that was Emma Pillsbury in his life. The thought of staying in the school, watching Will follow his bliss right into another woman's arms was pretty heart breaking for Emma. She subconsciously drove her pencil into the paper she had been scribbling on and broke its tip.

Emma sighed and took out a small pencil sharpener. After sharpening the pencil she noticed it was now slightly shorter than the other two pencils that she usually kept on her desk. She placed it next to its brothers and stared at the three uneven writing instruments for a while.

"This doesn't bother me." She said to herself, referring to the obvious lack of order that currently marred her desk like a big fat graphite bruise. There were three pencils on the desk, one shorter then the rest.

"Nope, doesn't bother me at all", she whispered again and opened up her day planer to reschedule her Wednesdays. Obviously there wouldn't be any date nights for an indefinite period of time. She reached her hand to grab a pen, and glanced at the shorter pencil. A pang of hurt struck her chest seeing the poor pencil trapped between two longer ones. Two perfect, longer pencils, who probably had more sexual experience then the shorter one.

She quickly grabbed that pen and began to cross out "Wednesday date nights" from her agenda. She checked her work schedule for the rest of the week, thinking that she's going to have to try and act brave for the kids coming in to see her, even though she was a mess inside. Again she looked at the pencil. Then back at her day planner. And back at the pencil, which now looked more miserable then ever. Completely out of it's league among its taller brethren. Looking at Emma in that pitiful pointy way that pencils are so good at.

"I know what you're trying to do" Emma whispered leering down at the poor defenseless writing utensil. "You're trying to guilt me into sharpening the other two pencils. Well it's not going to happen. You messed up mister." She said pointing her finger. "You made your bed now lay… What am I doing?"

Emma sat up abruptly and realized how ridiculous the whole scenario was. She quickly got out of the office feeling like the whole room was purposefully driving her insane. Soon she'd be yelling at the wallpaper for not being cheery enough, or at the desk chair for not providing enough support for her back. Which coincidentally it didn't, but she wasn't going to bring it up any time soon. The chair wasn't on the hook… yet.

The sound of Emma's hill clicking away on the shiny floors of McKinley high reverberated through the less shiny halls of the same building. She wanted to take a walk outside but stopped in front of a candy dispenser. She had told Will to go search for himself, while she would endeavor to get her messy on, as the kids would say it. She remembered that as a child she had a massive sweet tooth, before renouncing chocolate and dairy products forever.

Emma longed to live the simple life of a child again, and she also longed to enjoy some of the simpler things of life. Like sex and candy. Not necessarily in that order. So she bought herself a random bar of dark chocolate. She could be messy. She could for instance eat something that was basically sugar wrapper in chemical sludge and cooled down in an additive spray.

No biggie.

Emma delicately unwrapped the chocolate bar and stared at it straight in its chocolaty face.

"Fortune favor the bold" she encouraged herself and took a medium sized bite. It was… it was…

Disgusting.

Emma looked for the nearest trashcan to spit in and took a huge gulp of ear. She spit out the smaller bits too, wiping her face with an anti bacterial wipe. Chemically processed sweets were bad, but they couldn't possibly be that bad she thought. She looked at the wrapper with closer attention and realized that the bar she had just been munching on was actually expired. In fact, the expiration date had passed two years ago.

"That stingy Figgins and his blasted budget cuts", Emma whispered with malice

The world was a dangerous world to be for Emma that day. She suddenly remembered the pencils in her office, and felt cornered. She was trapped outside her protective cocoon smelling of Purelle and bleach, she had tempted fate by acting reckless and now she was going to let that same chaos into her office.

She rushed inside and grabbed the pencil sharpener and sharpened the bejeezus out of those other two pencils. Until she stopped herself. For the umpteenth time that day, the young woman asked… "What am I doing? I just let go of the most amazing man I have ever known… and all I care about… is sharpening pencils!"

She looked at her hands in disgust. She was mental. No doubt about it. In frustration over the ridiculous method she had chosen to handle the situation she threw out the palms of her hands and wiped the pencils off of her desk. They hit the floor with just a muffled clack and Emma plopped down on her desk chair and began to cry.

After a good ten minutes of that she looked up from her hands and went to clear up the mess she had caused.

"Wait a minute, her face lit up. A mess. I made a mess!"

Well it wasn't a mess by most people's standards. Most people would say she simply dropped something on the floor. But Emma was not most people The fact that she purposefully ruined the harmony of her office was a big breakthrough for her. It signaled the fact that if you pushed her hard enough and long enough, she could change.

Emma threw everything away, and made a mental note to buy more pencils the next day. And from now on, there's only going to be ONE pencil sitting on her desk. Still upset over what happened that day, but now feeling more hopeful about the future, she packed up and went home.

**AN:** Ugh, I absolutely hate this chapter but it had to be done. I've only ever seen Emma arrange 3 pencils on her desk once and I think it was in the second episode but I just latched one to it for some reason and I run that metaphor into the ground. I'm sorry about that, I promise the future chapters will be better and will focus less on office equipment and expired candy. Next up… the elephant vs the panda.p


	4. The elephant and the panda

**Chapter 4 – The elephant and the panda**

"You have all the sensuality of one of those pandas down at the zoo that refuse to mate. I had your intercom disconnected." Sue Sylvester spat out while looking down at Emma.

"You're not worthy of the power of Madonna" she concluded and walked out Emma's office door, leaving behind a mortified guidance counselor. She got up and paced around her office, angrily.

_Oh yeah, she thought to herself. I'll show you… I don't deserve the power of Madonna? Last time you had intercourse, I probably wasn't even born yet!_

A couple of more minutes and Emma made a brash and totally unhygienic decision. She rushed out her door and went in search of Will. She took advantage of her momentary lapse of sanity and tracked him down, conveniently forgetting that they had promised to take it slow and each work on their issues. Will turned around when he heard his name called and locked eyes with a flustered Emma, who took a deep breath and then spit out the following diatribe.

"You know when we were talking about Madonna the other day and how her music was being blasted like an intimidating cluster bomb into everybody's office except for mine because, apparently, I lack a shred of sex appeal? Well, it struck me that the Big Mo is always in control of everything. Her life is her own."

Will took a second to absorb all that and then uneasily replied: „Okay"

„So I need to take control of myself... and my body, just like Madonna. Which is why... I'm planning on doing the nasty with you tonight at your place. Foreplay shall begin at 7:30 sharp. So, what do you think?"

_Oops, better not ask for permission. That's not emasculating enough._

„Not that it matters." She added breathlessly.

Will was confused by this turn in events and wondered if they were gonna regret it. But Will, as dreamy as he might have been, was still a man. And he was not about to pass on sex. Especially since Emma was so excited about the idea. Emma braced herself for either a rejection, or an acceptance, bitter disappointment or abject fear.

"I couldn't agree more." He finally said grinning.

„Okay"

_Abject fear it shall be! _

By the time Emma returned to her office, most of her resolve had dissipated since she realized she had no idea what to do next. She felt slightly nauseous and swinged around to go to the bathroom, when she collided with principal Figgins.

"Miss Pillsbury! You need to talk to this delinquent!"

Figgins was mandhandling none other than Noah Puckerman, also known as Puck. The shorter man pushed the teenager into Emma's office, and Puck did not look happy to be there.

"Wh-what is this about?" Emma asked, trying to regain her composure.

"What is this about? WHAT is this about?" the principal Shouted.

"Yes, I think I just asked that…" Emma said cocking her head because her ears started ringing.

"Puckerman, you want to tell miss Pillsbury what we found in your locker? Or do you want the evidence to speak for itself? Though God only knows what obscenities it might spew out."

Without waiting for the teen's answer, principal Figgins shoved four dvd's in plastic cases right under Emma's nose. Those dvd's had blank covers, but with names like: Forest Hump, Shaving Ryan's Privates, Romeo in Juliet and Deep impact, the subject matter was pretty straight forward. Emma yelped.

„Oh, yes, very... bad" she mumbled, while her pale complexion turned furious red.

„Sodomy! Onanism! Pederasty... not that there's anything wrong with that! But to bring such depravity under the roof of our institution! What do you have to say for yourself Puckerman?"

„They're not mine! I was holding them! For somebody else." Puck quickly explained.

„Really, for whom?"

„For me..." Emma quickly offered, unsure what to do.

Figgins swung his head around to stare flabbergasted at his employee, wondering if she was actually crazier than he first thought when he hired her. Puck's face simply read: „WTF?"

„Yes... uh... Emma quickly scrambled her brains trying to figure out what to say. In light of professor Schuester's efforts to make the boys of Glee club more open to the idea of woman empowerement, Noah came to me to ask me how he could make a symbolic contribution. And I advised him to get rid of his pornographic materials which shamelessly objectify women. Yes. That's what happened. He just didn't get around to give them to me yet"

Figgins eyed Emma suspiciously. Then turned around and asked Puck:

„Is this true?"

"Yeah. Pornography… bad. Disgusting. Sodomy.. Onanticism…"

"Onanism..." Emma corrected him.

"That too. Very bad. Don't want it under my roof anymore. I want to be free of the scourge of sexual imagery and... loose morals"

Figgins continued to stare down the two, but eventually his expression softened.

„Fine, you just dodged a bullet mister Puckerman. But if I catch you peddling smut again. Bad enough you impregnated our main cheerleader. Next thing I know, the basketball team will want to gang bang our mascot."

„Got it. No smut. Pg-13 for the win" Puck quickly offered.

„I trust you to take proper care of these" Figgins said dropping the dvd's on Emma's office. She winced visibly when the plastic cases touched her office. She really didn't want to think what those covers had been in contact with. Didn't want to and couldn't because she might lose conciousness. The Principal left the office and Puck let out a huge breath he didn't know he was holding.

„Phew, man that was close, high five"

„I'd rather not" Emma excused herself and quickly took a seat at her office. No way would she be touching that boy again. Ever.

„You really shouldn't bring that stuff to school, Noah"

„Why, they're educational materials. And this IS an educational institution" Puck joked and reached for his porn.

„Nuh-uh" Emma gently scolded him and tapped his hand with a ruler.

„What! Don't tell me you're keeping them. Really missus P., get your own porn if you're feeling slap happy."

Emma looked up confused at the younger man.

„You know... Flick the bean? Diddle the skittle? Rubbin the nubbin?" Puck continued.

„I don't understand a single word you just said, but if you're implying I'm going to use these movies for... for..."

"Buffin the muffin?"

"Auto-erotic purposes! If you're suggesting_ that_, I'm going to call back mr. Figgins in here..."

„Aw man. What are you going to do with them?"

„Take them outside, pour gasoline on them and set them on fire. And I shall laugh maniacally while I do it. Like any self respecting postmodern feminist."

„Oh come on Missus P."

„Don't. Really Noah, you astound me. If you placed just half of the energy and mental resources you use for obtaining sexual gratification into academics, who knows what you'd be able to achieve. You might get to invent a cure for cancer, or write the next Harry Potter or something."

„Oh what's the big deal. It's just a little porn. I've been watching that stuff since I was 10, and I came out right. Right?" Puck lost his train of thought and started giggling.

„What's so funny?"

„You have a brochure on your desk from the Fellman University of Central Kansas" he said pointing a finger at the brochure and grinning.

„So?"

„Well that's an acronym for..."

„Yeah, okey, Emma quickly interrupted him. Obviously, you're a well adjusted individual. No, go see Mr Schuester and tell him what you've done. If he has any faith in this week's assignment you should get reprimanded."

„Nah, Mr. Schuester is cool. He'll understand."

„Really?" Emma asked, slightly concerned.

„Yeah, I mean, all guys watch porn. Its like women and chocolate"

„A-ha" Emma agreed, staring blankly.

„Miss Pillsbury. Can I at least have my Deep Impact dvd back?"

„Noah, we've been over this. Don't make me regret helping you out"

„It's a science fiction movie! Honest!" Puck threw up his hands in his defence. „You can check on IMDB"

„Oh... it's alright then I guess." Emma passed him the DVD and Puck headed for the door.

„Oh, and missus P. Thanks."

Emma smiled one last time in Puck's direction and he disappeared in the hallway. She stared at the left over dvd's on her desk and remembered an Animal Planet special she watched on Pandas. One of the things that zoo keepers did to get Pandas in the mood for mating was to show them videos of other members of their species mating. With that thought in mind, Emma put on a pair of celophane gloves and picked up the DVD's. She placed them in a tupperware container large enough, and hid it in the farthest, darkest, safest corner of her purse, to be viewed at a later date in the privacy of her own cage. I mean home.

_If it's good enough for the pandas..._

**AN**: Ah, I enjoyed writing this chapter. I'm big on dialogues, not so big on... anything else really. And I don't know what the standard punishment is for finding porn in a kid's locker, but I suppose he wouldn't get expelled for that much. Hope you enjoyed it! :) Next up: Purple elephant.


	5. Purple Elephant

**Chapter 5 – Purple Elephant**

Emma had been standing in front of Will's apartment for a good 10 minutes before finally gathering the courage to knock. The door opened with a jolt and Will was standing before looking radiant and dapping at the same time. His face lit up when he saw her and he said a breathy: "Hi" before leaning in to kiss her.

"No time for that, Emma said walking passed him. We've got business to attend to."

She stopped in his living room and pulled out some papers from her bad. Will, confused, shut the door and walked over to her. She handed him the papers and stood up straight, like a sergeant general.

"This is a color coded index of the activities that are and are not permitted this evening. The items highlighted with green are permissible. Yellow items are not on the menu. And red items will result in me pressing charges against you and consequently, your registration as a sex offender in _all _50 states."

Will stared at the list, mouth agape, wondering when did she have time to compile it. And of course, what had he gotten himself into.

"Please take the time to familiarize yourself with the index. After about 10 minutes of studying it I will pop quiz you on your personal hygiene"

Will continued to stare, silently, his mind racing. He didn't even recognize half the stuff listed there. All of a sudden, Emma swiped the papers from his hand and when he looked up to look at her she was grinning. She gave him a quick kiss on the lips and whispered:

"Hi"

"You were… kidding?" he asked holding his breath.

"Yes, I was kidding. But it was fun to watch you squirm"

Will let out a huge sigh of relief and took her face in his hands kissing her thoroughly.

"Oh thank God. I haven't felt so unprepared since my chemistry final in highschool. I thought you were going to throw the book at me."

"Well, I wasn't kidding about the items in red though… just so you know"

"Please, he said taking the list and looking over it again. I don't even know what a Dirty Sanchez is."

He plopped himself down on his couch and continued his sexual education by skimming through Emma's carefully compiled list of perversities.

"It's something that made me seriously consider joining a monastery" she joked and sat down beside him.

"So let me get this straight. You spent all day… researching sexual positions?"

"Well I had to do something. And it wasn't all day. Only after Figgins brought Puck to my office because he found pornographic movies in his locker."

"Really? What did you do?"

"I said they were for me."

Will's eyes nearly popped out of his head with surprise and he started to laugh. Emma blushed and continued.

"Only to help him out! I told him to tell you about it."

"Well he didn't, Will confessed after catching his breath and wiping tears from his eyes. But even if he did, I wouldn't have punished him. I would be to busy imagining you watching a porn movie"

Emma's cheeks turned even redder as she sensed that Will was making fun of her insecurities in the sexual department. She lowered her eyes and Will realized he embarrassed her. Which he really didn't want to do tonight, she was probably feeling incredibly awkward already.

"Emma, I didn't mea…"

"So was Terri your first?" Emma quickly asked, desperate to change the subject.

"Ah, Will paused, trying to figure out where this was going. Ah… no."

"Second?"

An awkward silence fell in the room, as Will turned his eyes from Emma and seemed to be counting in his head.

"Third?" Emma offered, feeling a tiny prickle of panic squeeze her insides.

"Well I smoked a lot of pot in college. We could be talking double digits." Will offered apologetically.

"Will!' Emma jabbed her finger in one of his ribs.

"Ow" he winced, half laughing.

"I'm serious!"

"Third, he finally answered truthfully. She was my third"

Emma swallowed hard before asking her next question.

"And… what did you _usually_ do together? In bed I mean."

Now it was Will's turn to blush. He felt very uneasy talking about this stuff with Emma, simply because he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Will, if we can't talk about it… we aren't really ready to do it, are we?"

"You're right, he agreed clasping her hand with both of his. Uhm… Mostly standard missionary position. Definitely none of the red items! We'd take baths together. Terri was a big fan of routine. And sitting. Nothing to strenuous. She didn't like to sweat."

Emma quietly took all of this in.

"And… was it good. With Terri?"

Will shut his eyes as memories flooded his mind. His mouth went dry and he felt a pang of hurt, but quickly pushed it aside.

"When we were in love. I mean really in love... it was great."

Emma wanted to ask him if they were in love, but knew that it was too soon. She then noticed a strange smile on his lips.

"What?"

"What? Oh… it's just. He chuckled and then looked her straight in the eyes. I thought about you a couple of times you know."

"Thought about me? When you were… with her?"

"Yes."

"Like _that_?"

"No, when we were doing laundry. Yes. I thought about you when I was with Terri. Like _that_."

"Ohhh…"

"I felt terrible about it, Will explained. I mean, here I was with the mother of my soon to be nonexistent child. It felt like I was cheating on her. But… I couldn't help it."

Emma listened utterly fascinated to his confession, her big eyes tingling with excitement. The instances in which she felt sexually excited in her life, had been few and far between. And she felt certain she was just confusing lust with hunger or the need to go pee. But this time Emma was certain._ This_ is what being turned on actually felt like.

Will noticed her conflicting emotions and blessed his lucky stars he finally said something to get her into the mood. Knowing Emma like he did, if she was indeed turned on, any second now she'd excuse herself to go to the bathroom.

"Can you excuse me while I go to the bathroom?"

_Right on cue, _Will thought

"Sure"

"You wait for me in the bedroom, she said getting up heading towards the bathroom. And… think sex-ay thoughts. Of the green highlighted variety…."

Will chuckled and as soon as she was out of sight entered his bedroom. He would never know what a huge mistake he made letting Emma get away and have time to think about what was going to happen. Cause as soon as she was behind a closed door… Panic replaced arousal.

So here was Emma in Will's bathroom, in her purple night gown, ready to slaughter the pink panda, elephant, random mammal that represented her virginity that week. She stared long and hard in the mirror, and nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the muffled sound of music from Will's bedroom. He selected Madonna's Like a virgin as a soundtrack for their love making. Her head swirled from all the questions that were creating a taifun of doubt and anxiety.

_Is it going to hurt? If so how much? How long will it last? I don't have any condoms! Does he have__ condoms? How safe are those things? What if I'm allergic to latex? How big… is he? How big am I... down there? What if there's no room? I don't have any lubricant on me. Does he have lubricant? What is lubricant made of anyway? What if I'm allergic to it? And above all… AM I REALLY GOING TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO MADONNA!_

Emma whimpered and turned around because she couldn't look herself in the mirror anymore. She felt she couldn't breathe, like she was trapped, like she was doomed. Because she was about to lose something that made her special. If she would've been brutally honest with herself, she would've admitted that she wasn't doing this for herself. She was doing it for Will, so that he wouldn't leave her. She had backed herself into a corner out of fear.

"What do I do?" she whispered to herself.

Right at that moment Madonna, with the voice of a horny angel, sang out: "Only love can last…"

That's right. That's right. I just can't go through with this. If Will loves… has strong feelings for me. He'll understand. Only love can last. With her mind made up, and before she could lose her nerve, she grabbed her stuff, minus the shoes, and sneaked out of Will's apartment.

**AN:** I had fun with this one too. I guess everybody who worships at the altar of Wemma has their own version of what happened that night in Will's apartment. This is simply mine. Hope you liked it! Oh, and let me know if I'm pushing the rating to far. There won't be any graphic sex in this fic, but by this point it's obvious that I do talk about sexuality and mention stuff like flickin the bean and lubricant. :) I hope that's not against the rules. Next up: Analyze that elephant

**AN 2**: If you didn't know what a Dirty Sanchez is and looked for the meaning after reading about it here, I am really really** really **sorry to have ruined your innocence.


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